SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

[Wendy]

This episode of the Suss report was inspired by Magic's &quot; <span style="font-weight: bold">After 18.5 year absence, the train is back in JA</span>!&quot;

Hop aboard the train and come take a ride with a few mad people from boardlane


<span style="font-style: italic">I say the train is coming, baby
I say the train is coming now
I say the train is coming, baby
I say the train is coming now</span>

[Wendy]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

Excited residents of Spanish Town, St Catherine, gathered at the train station to be the first passengers on the of Jamaica Railway coaches. The afternoon was cloudy but that could not overshadow the sunny smiles on the residents’ faces. The chatter among themselves began as they anxiously awaited the arrival of the train.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Magix</span>: Afta 18.5 years dem finally carry back di train inna Jamaica to backfoot!

<span style="font-weight: bold">pleXxed</span>: Yes – I! Mi git up dis marning seh mi definitely haffi ride pan dis gravy train yah!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Derek</span>: 18 blouse an skirt years?! Den a wah tek dem soh lang?

<span style="font-weight: bold">RichD</span>: Rasta, according to wah mi a hear, di painter did busy.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Derek</span>: Naah man ... mi have a feeling seh di driva did a play domino. A bet!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Dr. Dudd</span>: (<span style="font-style: italic">Straightening his bow tie</span>) He hem! May I impart some history here to you non educated fools? Those coaches are older than all of us. They have been parked for over 18 years and then brushed off, painted and ready to risk the lives of riders. I am not so sure if they are even safe enough for Jamaican riders.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Magix</span>: Soh weh yuh tan up yah a wait pan di train fah den big man? Wah mek yuh noh galang goh get yuh choffah carry yuh goh a wok?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Peasie</span>: Dat mi waan know to. Di train cyaan wos dan di bus dem pan di road. Im mussi noh hear bout di Holmwood Bus accident wah day. Man dat was travesty! Dis is a much betta choice fi di school pickney dem when it comes to safety as far as mi si.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Natral</span>: Dem Holmwood pickney deh waan two lick! A dem responsible fi dem own safety! If dem si seh di bus full aredi, weh dem a jump in deh fah?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Peasie</span>: Maasa tap yuh blastid nize if yuh noh know weh yuha chat seh! How yuh fi blame di victim dem? Poor pickney dem noh have more dan two shilling inna dem name an noh have aneda choice put fi tek di unsafe transportation because dats all dem can afford.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Natral</span>: Mi naah blame di victim dem ooman! Dem fi realize seh di driva dem a ovaload di bus dem cause times hard. Is di driva dem a di victim soh mi noh know weh yuh a chat bout!

Minutes later the train rolls into view, its bright exterior caught the eye of a waiting passenger.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Skelly</span>: Lawd Gad ! It nice but why dem haffi mek it soh yellow?

<span style="font-weight: bold">CeaBee</span>: How yuh mean <span style="font-weight: bold">Skelly</span>! Dat is jus to mek it nice and bright. Yuh know how wi Jamaicans love wi bright colours an ting.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Barosa</span>: In my opinion dem coulda jus paint di coaches inna neutral colour an put wan lickle strip a di Jamaican colors dem pan di side. Di sinting look soh undignified! Dem too dyam extra!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Dr. Dudd</span>: (<span style="font-style: italic">Eaves dropping agai</span>n) He hem! May I once again school you illiterates? It is yellow black and green because they know that if you paint this trash in the Jamaican colors, all of unu Jamaicans going to kin puppa lick ova it. Is dat dem use ketch unu.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Derek</span>: Well it look like dem noh know seh di national colors change to light brown, gold and green nowadays.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Magix</span>: Noh watch noh face my yute . Di sun hat wi bleach it out. If not, dem can tek di train to Kartel fi a treatment. Mi love how dem fayva di old blue wans. Come in like dem brush aff di johncrow ness an patch up di holey roof good ,good! Dem fool mi wid di new gold paint still.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Vegas</span>: All mi waan know is why dat man looking like a dyam Sammy Davis side-kick calling di train trash?

<span style="font-weight: bold">RichD</span>: Eeh, eeh and why im tink di train noh safe? If di sinting park up fi 18 years, it noh muss safe? Cho! Mi cyaan tek ediat talk sometime enoh.

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCntry</span>: Mi noh know bout unu, but I am sooo proud of Jam dung right yah now. But kackafawt (<span style="font-style: italic">pointing</span>) A wah dat pan di front a di train … a fan dat or A/C?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Magix</span>: Blurtnaught! Noh mussi wan A/C. As yuh si how it katch aan pan di front yuh know dat a noh part a di original design. Dat a muss extra trimmings.

<span style="font-weight: bold">pleXxed</span>: Well if dem ago itch aan di fan deh soh, mite as well dem fling aan some Chrome Rims, Spoila, Bouncing Suspenders, an drap in wan sound system inna it? A soh di ting fi set.

The train made a screeching halt at their feet. Within seconds, the doors slide open and there was a mad rush from the crowds to get in for the first “taste” of the new train. Some could not contain their excitement and delight upon seeing the spruced up interior décor in the first class coach.

<span style="font-weight: bold">French Tickla</span>: Kackafawt! Di seat dem spiffy and ting! Mi noh tink dem yah ledda seat ago last long when di quashie dem tek set in yah dowe.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Mgee</span>: Lowks - first class look nice dowe! Mi like di new seat dem to. Mi have memories back inna di day when mi use to travel inna poor people class couple times and back den di seat dem did tough noh rackstone. Seka dat mi had to upgrade an travel fuss class. Di ongly ting mi did like bout poor people class was dem people use to sell food an ting on the train, an dem some people use to come pan di train an jump two poco! Yuh coulda hear dem a beat di poco drum all di way inna fuss class! Dem beat di drum dem soh loud dat yuh feel yuh behine a jiggle to how di seat a vibrate.

<span style="font-weight: bold">French Tickla</span>: Lawks <span style="font-weight: bold">Mgee</span> gyal mi memba mi use to tek di train nuff time from Portmore to town when mi did inna high school. An mi memba seh when yu h si smaddy a hop roun down town pan one-foot it guarantee seh is because di ediat did heng offa di train and drap awf! Lowd di memories.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Mgee</span>: Mi like it dowe. It so pretty. Mi love how them dem have whole heapa different style fi di cyar dem. Mi did like dis flowas wan dats why it mi run come inna it. Hope dis train really tek aff. Mi an mi pickney dem wi tek it just as lang as dem noh tek whole day fi reach MoBay an it nobadda tap a di bad area dem inna Kingston.

When all were confirmed to be onboard, the train pulls away from the station sounding its horn that propagates for miles. The packed train erupts in cheers and loud applause as the train glides down the tracks. Meanwhile in car number 2, a young man scopes out the scene in first class and is thrilled by what he sees.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Magix</span>: Wikid! Dem serve liqua pan di train now? Lawks! Dis a mi new favourite mode a transport to blow wow!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Barosa</span>: Maasa tap kin yuh teet like Persian puss soh! What yuh seeing is fi show. Dat section is mainly fi the VIP's and the &quot;connected&quot; folks. Can yuh imagine putting di market people dem inna di criss part a di train? Wance dem dun impress wi dem ago fling out every striking sinting out yah an put in some ole bruck dung sinting.

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCntry</span> : Wait deh..people unu look ova deh inna fus class! Noh Mike Henry dat a moggle and pose aff wid im yeye phone?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Magix</span>: Rahtid! Dem still mek phone soh big? Dat a noh yeye phone Madda. Dah sinting deh look like dem ole dinosaur 80s banana boat.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Derek</span>: A who name Mike Henry? A fus mi hear bout him. A im a di moas powerful man inna Jamaica?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Jah_yout</span>: Naah man .. Vybz kartel hole dah tikle deh!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Gen</span>: Eeehm excuse mi sar… what yuh talking bout? Kartel is delusional idiot! Mi baffled by di idiots who tek im wod dem as bible ana a falla im. Seka dat fool, jus wah day mi a read inna di Gleana seh Jamaica have a bleaching problem.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: Yes lady mi did si it to an when mi si di article, true mi is a natural browning an well light an bright like bulb, mi jus whipsa to miself : 'Thank God mi noh haffi bleach.'

<span style="font-weight: bold">Gen</span>: Coo yuh to. Lady, dis is serious matta. Poor people a tek toothpaste an curry powda fi mek dem face have yellow tint.

<span style="font-weight: bold">J_kid</span>: \o/ Gad mercies pan dese poor misguided, self-esteem deficient souls!

<span style="font-weight: bold">SueSumba</span>: An who is to be blame fi all a dat but di black man? Dere is no opportunities open for black women outside a dem poom poom. Dat a part a di problem. Unu eva lissen to two Jamaican ooman a cuss wan anedda ovah whofah poom poom betta dan the ooda wan?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Jah_yout</span>: (<span style="font-style: italic">Kiss teet</span>) Every baddy a bun fiyah pon bleaching yet di whole a unu a bun up unu head and put in weave fi look like anedda race. Dat is hypocrisy!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Gen</span>: Lawd Gad! Yuh gaan pan di ooman dem head now!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Jah_yout</span>: Yes mi cyaan stop beat dah drum deh! Nat til Portia Miller or Michelle Obama wear dem head natural mi wi shut up bout di rampant hair creaming &amp; weaving mongs black ooman. A di same mindset mek dem a bleach dem skin an it haffi change!

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCntry</span>: Bway is a pity di creme noh good fi yuh head. Mi deh yah a battle wid di hair dying ting.... di grey hair dem a kill me! Every 2 striking week me haffi a dye! Di whole ting is about looks an to mi is jus a a style..Di news paypa jus a blow dis ting outta proportion, bout elite dis and dat! Weh dem need fi report is how dis dyam ting a mek di people dem look like zebra.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Nunya</span>: Dem fayva like raccoon if yuh ask mi! Di way how mi seet dem nat even a put di cream roun dem yeye lid or undaneat dem yeye because dem tink dem ago bline. Seka dat, part a dem face black an di ress a di face white like chalk! Bloody raccoon dem!

<span style="font-weight: bold">SueSumba</span>: An what dem doan know is dat when dem cream dem head, when time dem fi do autopsy pan dem, dem brain black lacka wah!

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCntry</span>: Seh wah?! A lie yuh a tell lady! Holy shishkabab! Kacka-hole! No man dat is serious! Tank Gad mi did bawn wid lickle nice hair an noh haffe crème dat aften. Mi jus hope when Dacta cut aff mi head skull, mi brain noh red cause a dat cola dye mi use inna mi head.

<span style="font-weight: bold">pleXxed</span>: But serious to Gad now.. none a unu neva use skin lightening chemical pon unu face? Talk di choot an noh badda wid di lie business! Mi memba when Nadinola woulda sell aff like crazy..Nuff a unno must did get ketch. As far as mi si Vybze inna nuff company wid di bleaching business.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Cyberphobic</span>: Chroot be toldeth...Mi use to tief out some ami madda PONDS COLD CREAM and plastah it all ovah mi face an body soh mi can si how mi hooda look if mi did white.

<span style="font-weight: bold">pleXxed</span>: Well mi neva bleach fram mi barn dats why mi still black like Berger paint. Mi soh black dat if mi waan disappear inna inna wan dark alley, all mi haffi do shet mi eye and mi mout!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Natral</span>: Mi noh have dat problem boss. Tank Gad mi is a browning an noh need fi bleach. Matta a fact dat is why mi tek di window seat soh lickle sun can touch mi skin to how mi brown.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Cyberphobic</span>: <span style="font-style: italic">(Examining him up and dow</span>n) Ehhhm, uhhh, UHHHM, mek mi si now. Wah yuh juss seh? Maasa mi a look pan yuh good an yuh musckles dem an if yuh a BROWNING den KISSMINECK!!! If dat is di cyasse, mi a browning to! Massa Gad, noh mek mi laaf in yah tideh yaah!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Natral</span>: Gwey fram mi gyal! A how brown mi haffi be before mi can stawt cawl miself browning? Mi is a browning soh get ova it!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Cyberphobic</span>: Den afta mi naah try tek weh yuh brown skin fram you big man!?! Yuh is what yuh is. No probs wid dat. Do YOU homie.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Remo</span>: Well mi cyaan tell if im red nar bown but wan ting mi know, dis bredda is one ugly Son of a beech!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Natral</span>: But look yah! Soh di whole a unu tar babies a come tek mi aan now? Ediat bway ,dont hate cause dere is always cake soap fi fix yuh problem!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Remo</span>: And what's wrong with tar babies like me? At least mi is nice to look at aldowe mi have a big belly an missing a few teet an mi have cross yeye.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Natral</span>: Well since as di whole a unu a waan quarrel wid mi bout what shade of brown mi cansida miself, mek mi just tek mi brown self an come affa dis train. (<span style="font-style: italic">Pounding the window</span>) <span style="font-weight: bold">WAN STAP DRIVA!!</span>

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCntry</span>: Lawd Gad maasa! Noh come mash up wi bran new stoosh train as it lan! A wah wrang wid yuh?

<span style="font-weight: bold">RichD</span>: Bedrin di train noh have noh weh fi stap yah soh! Yuh noh si wi inna bush. (<span style="font-style: italic">Yelling</span>) DRAW GEAR DRIVA ..RUB IT …RUB IT MI SEH!!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Skelly</span>: No no, no! Nobada wid dat cause I have visions of dis train a tilt to di side like a country bus when it a tek a carna pan di hill.

<span style="font-weight: bold">R_C</span>: An nex ting di news goh seh: “the train driver lost control of the train&quot; like di sinting did a drive pan automatic pilot!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Peasie</span>: Exactly! Nex ting dem goh seh di tracks dem appear out of nowhere an a dat cause di train fi pitch ova di gully banking.

---------------------
Half an hour later, the train finally reaches its destination. There was a sudden jolt as the train stopped. Suddenly it appeared to the passengers the ride was over.

<span style="font-weight: bold">RichD</span> : Well dis is it! By di way, anybady know what is di fare compare to di bus fare?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Magix</span>: Di govament did seh wi get two free ride from di train. Soh dat dun sart out arredi.

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCntry</span> : Nobaddy neva seh a ting bout di fare, not a soul! But mi believe di rate dem goh ascarding to di cyar weh yuh inna. Di ledda seat cyar have wan rate, di schoolas dem have fi dem rate, an den dis cyar have it owna rate.. yuh si mi ?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Magix</span>: Soh is a election stunt dem a gwaan wid? Yuh si how dem come rope een people fi di fus election an den dem launch it jus in time fi di nex election? Mi noh have noh money enoh ..cause mi coulda swear seh dem seh wi a get free ride tideh.

<span style="font-weight: bold">R_C</span>: Mi noh have a ting inna my bill fole but wan rusty condom mi carry jus in case tings happen to get hot and heavy.

<span style="font-weight: bold">RichD</span> : Mi noh know why mi badda come tek dis train cause me is a man weh love my cyar fram di bonnet straight dung to fi tailpipe. Cho! Mi ago chuck aff troo di window yaah star. Mi noh have noh money eida.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Magix</span>: A soh mi seh to bredrin. Gwaan troo…. Mi deh backa yuh!

<span style="font-weight: bold">pleXxed</span>: Well since dis a my Virgin experience pan di train, mi naah pay feet neida. Fly di window deh dread. Mek wi bolt outta dis rahtid!

<span style="font-weight: bold">J_kid</span>: Unnu blacks can gi trouble, eee! Cho! Watch di set a hooligan dem!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Natral</span>: A soh di tar baby dem behave all di time man. Dats why mi soh glad mi brown an have mannaz.

The men escaped through the window and ran off out of sight. There was no need for the disorderly exit, however. The train ride was in deed free for its initial launch. The rest of the passengers disembarked in an ad-hoc fashion until the train was empty. Another set of passengers embarked for another eventful ride back to Spanish Town.

[RichD]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

[Wendy]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard


<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><span style="font-weight: bold">RichD:</span> Bedrin di train noh have noh weh fi stap yah soh! Yuh noh si wi inna bush. (Yelling) DRAW GEAR DRIVA ..RUB IT …RUB IT MI SEH!! </div></div>

[X]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard


Wendy after reading dis, a think a have an idea how you can get rich..
wi will chat..

[MsExced]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

<span style="font-weight: bold">would a love fi hear RichD and say this</span>



<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: WeNdY</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><span style="font-weight: bold">RichD:</span> Bedrin di train noh have noh weh fi stap yah soh! Yuh noh si wi inna bush. (Yelling) DRAW GEAR DRIVA ..RUB IT …RUB IT MI SEH!! </div></div> </div></div>

[Magician]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard



Yuh nuh righted eno Wendy! Nuh righted at all man!


Mi tink seh in addition to GPS series, de 3rd book need fi have a train series since a dat de latiss fashan! Even old Miss Sista Country tek de train go mawkit now!

[Wendy]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: pleXxed</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Wendy after reading dis, a think a have an idea how you can get rich..
wi will chat..
</div></div>

Yuh speaking my langwich now.. talk di tings deh X

Anyway X - why yuh a falla bad bruck people a jump troo train window

[Wendy]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

DWL.. aah sah.. a troo yuh noh know how it sweet mi. A SistaCntry mek mi laff inna dah tread. Nutten cudden buss har glad bag...all when Tuff Gong a cuss har shi gwaan same way a big up di train

Oh nedda ting ..yuh did si di GPS a mek fun a di ooman seh train noh drive a yaad anymore HOLY Fish sticks! Yuh noh si seh dem come pwail up mi line inna di book.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Magix</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

Yuh nuh righted eno Wendy! Nuh righted at all man!


Mi tink seh in addition to GPS series, de 3rd book need fi have a train series since a dat de latiss fashan! Even old Miss Sista Country tek de train go mawkit now! </div></div>

[Magician]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: WeNdY</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A SistaCntry mek mi laff inna dah tread. Nutten cudden buss har glad bag...all when Tuff Gong a cuss har shi gwaan same way a big up di train
</div></div>

Yuh seet!
She well glad man. Matta fak she so glad she ready fi lick dung TG wid de gladniss!

[Peasie]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

my people, yuhsi

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
<span style="font-weight: bold">SueSumba</span>: An who is to be blame fi all a dat but di black man? Dere is no opportunities open for black women outside a dem poom poom. Dat a part a di problem. Unu eva lissen to two Jamaican ooman a cuss wan anedda ovah whofah poom poom betta dan the ooda wan?
</div></div>

[sistactry]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Magix</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: WeNdY</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A SistaCntry mek mi laff inna dah tread. Nutten cudden buss har glad bag...all when Tuff Gong a cuss har shi gwaan same way a big up di train
</div></div>

Yuh seet!
She well glad man. Matta fak she so glad she ready fi lick dung TG wid de gladniss! </div></div>


woooeeee, unu a kilingl me, tears a run down me face, no sah, my ppl dem, unu a de besssssss...


go deh Wends, ur respect concrete everytime......

[sistactry]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

<span style="font-weight: bold"> Oh nedda ting ..yuh did si di GPS a mek fun a di ooman seh train noh drive a yaad anymore HOLY Fish sticks! Yuh noh si seh dem come pwail up mi line inna di book.

</span>

u kno, me cant believe me nuh dun it yet....a wha wrang wid me sah, me say, me deserve a beating....lawd a whey de time a fly go whey so, i dont have time fe meself~~

[Magician]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SistaCtry</div><div class="ubbcode-body">me deserve a beating....</div></div>

me one can issue out same when you ready

[Dr.Dudd]

Re: SUSS REPORT - The train is coming …All aboard

<span style="font-weight: bold"> Bout a eavesdrop. ! </span>